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I would begin a life with a man whom had never known bald prejudice, never been called a name meant to humiliate and dehumanize him.

He would have to understand why that word had so much power, how it could cause me to crumble into tears.

We made the best of it, laughing about the ridiculous job, how the execs liked to farm off the grunt work to the juniors. He had an uncanny way of reading me and knowing my secrets, and loving me still.

Knowing what I do now, I wish I would have told the engineer-slash-sandwich-shop-owner that you just have to snatch love for yourself when it comes knocking, in whatever color or cultural package he’s wrapped in. I really want to do it when my husband and I have what we call our “big wedding”.

editorial a few years ago offended, outed, but mostly just sad.

But finally, someone in the media had exposed the furtive secret, the dirty laundry. Census data from 2001 confirms it – African-Americans have the lowest marriage rate of all races, and black women are at the back of the line.

We lost touch so I never found out if the delivery man ever came knocking with that ring in hand.

But if I were a gambler, I’d say she must have faced some tough odds on finding her black man considering 42 percent of black women never marry, compared to 21 percent of white women.

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